What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 03:09
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But it wasn’t much.
What do you think of Obito Uchiha?
I will be 64.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I could never make a relationship work though!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
What did i know ?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why did McLaren hope that the Ferrari pair would pit twice during the Italian Grand Prix?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
All the time i was locked up.
Why is Harley-Davidson dropping diversity initiatives after the right-wing anti-DEI campaign?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
So, i spoilt her more .
When she asked me how she looked .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
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But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She found it foreign!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
What does it mean to live "the 'underconsumption' life"?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One cannot live in the past .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We all went to grammer schools
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Why do men suck dick? Me, I can't get enough
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As a woman, what would be you response to a male friend’s offer of a full body massage?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im still living with it.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She was in good health!
I waited trembling.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why did i forgive my father ?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Ive learnt so much.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But ive been too sick for many years..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
This is soul school!.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Would this be the day?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Put me off passion for life!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I said to her
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Who then, do I blame.?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We were not on the streets..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And i lived it daily.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I write beautiful poetry .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was 9 years of age.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Comes on , in middle age.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She wouldn,t have been !
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So whats the point in blame.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She loved him until the end.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I never cut or harmed myself..
My family never makes their pension either.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I think the readers, may guess!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was scared of men, in general
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It was going to be , some day.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I don,t even have a pension.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was very sick at this time too.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He knew the spot.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was seconnd youngest,
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She married twice! .
I have no regrets .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But, we were locked up after school.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My life is so biszare .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.